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Q "Father what do you say to people who have lost their loved ones especially when that person had lived a good life, never killed anybody, very tolerant (pluralistic), open minded, charitable but a fallen away Catholic, did not go to church etc., and thought that all religions are the same, just a different part of the same elephant, so to speak...?¡°
A The simple answer is that someone ought not to be said to have lived a good life, if he did not care for God, did not care to know Him as He is - in truth, did not care about religion: this is NOT a good life, neglecting the very first three Commandments! Moreover, often when one digs a little bit, one finds out that such a life, judged by worldly people to be "good", in fact has some hidden sins (e.g. an abortion, etc.)
So what to say to people when such relative passes away? Say: we must PRAY and do PENANCE, asking the Good Lord to have mercy and "to have given that person the grace of a TRUE repentance before he died". Indeed since God is eternal and knows past, present and future, He can take into account future prayers and merits to give grace to some person before they die. Thus the merits of our Lord Jesus Christ benefited even the Saints of the Old Testament. But without such conversion one could not go to heaven.