Lord, how many times should I forgive my brother?

- 21 th Sunday After the Pentecost(13th of Oct 2024)

Today's parable was provoked by St Peter's question: “Lord, how many times should I forgive my brother? 7 times?” Our Lord answers: “Not only 7 times but 70 times 7 times”. And to explain this, Our Lord teaches them today's parable. 

We all know Our Lord's teaching. We are reminded of it each time we pray the Our Father: “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”. We are reminded of it on All Saints day: “blessed are the merciful for they will obtain mercy”. It is easy for us to accept and to praise Our Lord's teaching. But why, why, why is it so hard for us to put it into practice? 

There may be many reasons why we cannot practice it but there is one reason in general: hatred. And why do we hate our neighbor? 

Firstly, because our neighbor displeases us. Why does our neighbor displeases us? There are a million reasons: I don't like the way he sneezes, I don't like the way he walks or talks. Maybe because he does not like the same soccer team as I do, maybe his business is the competitor to my own business. 

And many times, although we do not want to admit this, because our neighbor does not have the same defects as we do: he does not like to gossip like we do; he does not criticize as we do; he is not slothful as we are; he is not a drunkard as I am; etc.

Now, today we do not pretend to come up with a universal solution on how to make our neighbor likable. Instead, we should remember that the same way that I find something displeasing in all of my neighbors, the same way my neighbors find something displeasing in me. It is sufficient for us to be reminded that Our Lord knew perfectly well that this would happen that is why He made it a commandment that we should love our neighbor as our own selves and that we do to our neighbor that which we want to be done to our own selves, no matter how displeasing that neighbor may be. 

Secondly, we may also hate our neighbor because our neighbor has different interest with respect to ours. Many times our neighbor's interest are apparently in conflict with our own interest. And when that happens, it's just so easy for us to prove, in our minds, that our neighbor has done everything under the sun just to hurt us, cause us pain, and even damage our reputation. 

Everything starts when our neighbor or our Superior fails to give us what is supposedly ours by justice: he forgot to give me that; he refused to recognize that that thing is for me. Then soon enough, we amazingly find the explanation of the injustice because we suddenly see the bad intention in the heart of our neighbor.

Supposing that my neighbor really has an intention more evil than Satan himself, the question is: will detesting my neighbor solve the injustice? Will revenge give us justice? There is a saying: “A thief always thinks that the others around him are also thieves”. If I can easily see the evil intention, hidden in the hearts of others, that means I myself may be prone to those evil intentions that I see in others! 

That is why while there is no real proof of evil intention, it would be wise to excuse our neighbor's intention. After all, it's our duty to follow Our Lord who said “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do”. 

Thirdly, we hate our neighbor because of our own vanity. Why do we always have to be reminded that we are all wounded by original sin? Because original sin means all of us have an inclination to what is wrong. That means all of us have our own defects and shortcomings. And that is precisely the reason why we hate our neighbor: because he shows us our defects and we do not want to see them. 

We know that only the Blessed Virgin Mary is the Immaculate Conception. That is why only the Blessed Virgin Mary is free of defects. But when our neighbor shows us our defects, our self love feels wounded and we refuse the “injustice” of not being recognized as another Immaculate Conception. This is what we call vanity.

What is the rule that the Saints teach us? “If your neighbor's observation about you hurts, if your superior's correction hurts, then it means there is at least a grain of truth in the observation or correction”. Therefore a good catholic, in this case, will not convert himself into a victim; instead he will look for that grain of truth, no matter how unjust the correction may be, so that he may amend himself and become a better person in God’s eyes. Because after this life God will not ask us if the observations and corrections that we received in this life were just or unjust; He would ask if we took advantage of all the opportunities He has given us to serve and imitate Him as best as we could. 

Dear faithful, we all know the price Our Lord had to pay so that the Eternal Father may forgive us. We also know that Our Lord paid that price not only for me but also for my neighbor. We can also know who among our neighbor owes us and how much. What we do not know, and what we should not yet know is: who owes God more, myself or my neighbor? And it is good for us not to know –at least not yet—who owes more. Because only that way we will take seriously what we all owe Our Lord. 

Fr.  Ferrer